Have you ever wondered what someone airing the opposite of your highlight reel on national television would look like? Well, for many of the men who appeared on last night's "Men Tell All" episode of Rachel's season of The Bachelorette, there is no more wondering. From Lucas "Whaboom" Yancey to DeMario Jackson, Kenny "Pretty Boy Pitbull" King and, of course, Lee Garrett, audiences (and the men!) were forced to revisit all of the dumb lines, embarrassing fights and overly-hyped drama that these men have been bringing to our living rooms for the last nine weeks, before we were finally rewarded with the only reason we even watch this episode every season: the bloopers!
To kick this thing off, we are just going to straight up give you our favorite lines of this two-hour dish-fest. So buckle up kiddos, because this rocket ship is on a one-way trip to catty catty land!
- "There was so much Whaboom when it should have been like Wha-bye." -- Adam
- “This random a$$ chick calls in to say that she was my girlfriend. By you guys’ logic, I’m Beyoncé‘s boyfriend. I’m dating Rihanna!” -- DeMario
- “Are there any ocular facts that she and I dated?" -- DeMario
- "Bill Clinton had sex with Monica!" -- DeMario
- "When I woke up and saw that those [tweets] had come out, it hurt me a lot." -- Lee
- "I missed you believe it or not. Well, not all of you." -- Rachel
- “Lucas you literally cannot call anyone else on this stage a joke." -- Will
- "Who? Oh, shade. The branches are out!" -- Rachel
- "Did Blake at one point stand over your bed and eat a banana?" -- Chris H.
- "You'll see me in paradise." -- Dean (who will never stop being BAE!)
But lest you think we are only here for the hahas or to be cynical, we must acknowledge the fact that ABC somehow managed to turn what is usually a hunger games of grown a$$ men/women clawing their way to five more minutes of fame into a highly productive conversation about misogyny and racism. Yes, give that a minute to sink in. True, the Tell All episodes are almost always used as an avenue for the season's biggest villains to attempt redemption, but last night's episode felt different. Mainly because the conversation wasn't on the villain's terms. In fact, this season's most hated man. Lee Garrett, barely spoke, as his compatriots (rightfully) made sure he shut up and listened before he had the chance to monotonously spout off his PR-produced apologies. As Chris Harrison so aptly observed (what a shrewd observer of human emotions that one is), Lee was "literally shaking in [his] boots." So before we go any further, let's take a look at a few of the more insightful comments that had us clapping at our TVs last night.
- “Racism feels a certain way — it’s insidious, there’s vitriol to it. It didn't feel like that. As I was trying to make sense of it, it really just felt to me that this dude was out of his league. To me, it was very reactionary. That’s what it felt like.” -- Kenny
- "I want you to articulate to all of us, why did you come on a show where the Bachelorette was an African-American woman if on the other hand you're tweeting about black people and groups of black people who fought and died so I can be on the stage next to you? People came before me so that I can go to the same school like you, so I can drink from the fountain like you, and if you're comparing them to the KKK, people who hung my ancestors, why are you trying to date a woman who looks like me?" -- Josiah
- “The racism that is ingrained in your behavior to the point of invisibility is still pushing you to behave in a certain way towards Kenny, towards Eric, towards me, in a way that you don’t even recognize. So where are you now? Are you acknowledging that even if you didn't intend it, are your actions motivated by racist thoughts that are implicitly embedded in your mentality? That's the real question."-- Anthony
- "That tweet was racist and I denounce it." -- Lee
- “You can exit stage left and meet me backstage. I’d be more than happy to give you a black history lesson and a lesson on women’s rights." -- Rachel
As you can tell from both our favorite funny one-liners and these deeper peeks into the episode, much of the Tell All centered around the Kenny/Lee debacle we saw play out over several episodes this season, and ABC artfully used that last night as the framework for a conversation about race relations. We remembered how much we loved Will and how reasonable he was when he said that more than anything the Kenny/Lee squabbles simply took time away from the rest of the men in the house trying to get to know Rachel, and was ultimately unfair to Rachel as The Bachelorette. Will, if you're somehow still single after all of America has seen how good and pure you are, my number is 703-5....
After we got the side squabbles out of the way, and yes that included the infamous Whaboom/Blake did he did he not seductively eat a banana scandal, and DeMario explaining the definition of a sidepiece and bringing the word ocular back into modern usage, we could get on with the meat of the show and allow Mr. Harrison to do his thang. The Tell All saw three gentlemen hit the couch with Chris, before Rachel appears to confront 18 of her exes (we don't envy you there, girl!) and Kenny was first up. Of course, much of his conversation was directed back to Lee, but we did get to meet Kenny's real love of life when his daughter McKenzie was brought out as a surprise. She tells the world that she thought her dad did a good job on the show , but that she didn't like him for leaving her for so long. We see once again how much love he has for this little girl as he tears up just talking about her, and says she was the sole thing holding him back from handling the Lee issue a very different way. But all's well that ends with a surprise birthday trip to Disneyland courtesy of ABC!
Finally, it is Lee's turn to squirm in the hotseat. Pretty much the only thing we really hear from Lee is that he is facetious and he makes jokes when he is uncomfortable that don't always come across well, and says his biggest mistake was not allowing this experience to be a learning opportunity for him in the moment. After that, the men pretty much jump all over him, his actions toward Kenny and others while on the show, and, of course, his very offensive tweets that surfaced during the airing of the season. Lee can't seem to stop saying that he "understands where everyone is coming from" and he tries to apologize for "what he said when he was ignorant and uneducated," but he struggles to actually admit that his actions were racist or misogynistic. Kenny reminds him that everyone is sorry once they get caught, and Dean seems to be having none of the scripted apology, saying Lee should have denounced his actions a long time ago, not waited until he had a televised moment to do so. But Anthony absolutely steals the night and truly holds Lee's feet to the fire with his beautiful, eloquent speech about invisible racism. Finally, after many scrunched up faces and attempts to skirt a true acceptance moment, Lee says "Those tweets were racist and I denounce that. I denounce that Lee." It ends up with Kenny and Lee hugging it out and several of the men offering to help Lee along on his journey towards change.
Changing lanes, we bring babyface Dean up to the couch and we are forced to re-experience the horror that was his hometown date, and its aftermath. And trust me, it isn't any easier the second time around. While Dean continues to prove how mature he is for his age by saying that will never regret the hometown date because he "would never ask someone to marry me without her seeing my family dynamic," and by acknowledging his father's sacrifice in agreeing to do the show, you can tell he is still holding on to some hurt, and his time in the spotlight is brief.
Finally, it's Rachel's turn and she comes out looking like the goddess she is, but she barely sits down before she is being asked the tough questions. AKA how could you do that to Dean Rachel??? He comes up to the couch and admits that he is still confused as to why she would tell him she was falling in love with him and then give him the boot a few days later. She tries to apologize and tell him that she never wanted to hurt him and that she truly did feel that way when she said it. Rachel reminds him (and us) that she never says something just to say it, so we are all left to try and accept that she may have loved Dean, but she loved the others more. Rachel then must artfully dodge the DeMario situation ("Who?" CHECK!), the Kenny/Lee throwdown that at this point we are SO.OVER.TALKING.ABOUT!, the mysterious relationships she had with Matt and Adam that we were never privy to but we have to accept that they "weren't brought that far along by accident" and, finally, the Fred point of contention that we still don't understand, but can only say that Fred must have been the worst camper in the history of summer camp to still be drawing this much anger out of Rachel!
And let's just end it with this beaut of a tweet from the man, the myth, the legend himself... Mr. Chris Harrison.