Ok everybody, grab your popcorn and your wine and get comfy because last night's episode was THREE.HOURS.LONG so we have a lot of ground to cover! Let's jump right in shall we...
Last week, we left
the turtleneck Nick and Raven cuddling and staring into each other's eyes, with Raven hoping for fireworks, while we are on pins and needles wondering whether magic happened for the couple. Well, no worries, because sweet little Raven is a sharer! Within the first two minutes of the episode we hear her wax poetically about how meaningful it was to share her first "I love you" with her future husband and she tells us that "Nick is really good at what he does... so [she's] pretty satisfied today." And she shows us just how satisfied by skipping around Finland, high-fiving strangers, smooching fake reindeer and making giggly snow angels.
But lest we forget that two other women are about to share this same
manufactured magical moment with Nick, we cut straight away from starry-eyed Raven to miss we-already-know-you're-the-next-Bachelorette-so-we-don't-really-care-about-your-date Rachel, who compares Finland to "a magical winter wonderland... like Narnia" before jumping into Nick's arms -- and off we go! The two share a rather arduous cross country skiing expedition to a reindeer farm, where they greet Donner, inquire as to Santa's whereabouts and then head inside to warm up with a steaming cup of something and an intense conversation about fears and where their relationships stands. Rachel smartly acknowledges that "there are two other women involved who I feel like we're all on equal playing field at this point, so do I just guard my heart or do I let myself be wide open in this experience-- it's the inner struggle." But Nick tells her they can be scared together, and they bond over their shared fear of rejection before riding off into the sunset in a reindeer-drawn carriage.
At this point we are thinking two things: one we want to buy the girls a collective thesaurus so they can expand their description of Lapland, Finland beyond "magical" (here are a few starters, ladies: extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, stunning, staggering, marvelous, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, breathtaking, miraculous); and two, we don't want to see anymore of Nick and Rachel's adorable-ness because we know it's going to come to a crushing halt in about 34 minutes so pleasssssse producers, be kind to us! But alas, they continue to torture us with a very mature and open conversation between the two about Nick needing to know where he stands with Rachel before going any further -- thank you, The Bachelor, for at least a hint of feminism here as we remember that it's not just about how Nick feels about the women, and reminding the audience that they get a say in the outcome of it all! "The only way this whole thing works, is to get out of your head, go with your heart and be willing to have the strength to be a bit of a mess sometimes," says Nick in a surprisingly beautiful moment. Ultimately, Rachel does tell him she's falling in love with him (well, duh!) and he comes as close to reciprocating as he possibly can according to Bachelor rules and says "Rachel, I am falling for you, 100 percent." And then it's off to the fantasy suite for these two almost-love birds, as Rachel tells us that she knows they need to "go deeper than ever before." ... We'll leave it at that, thanks.
Onto Vanessa! P.S. What is with the matching beanies?? Did the girls so shopping together for their white, red and black beanies, or were they producer procured? Either way, we want one!! After both Nick and Vanessa acknowledging that her hometown date was more on the serious side, than either would have hoped, they head off to "embrace Finnish culture" by taking a big leap of faith and jumping in freezing water for 10 seconds before retreating to the steamroom... all in matching blue swimsuits. Vanessa doesn't seem super thrilled by this prospect and tells us she "want[s] to murder Nick, chop him up, and feed him to the reindeer.” But this adventurous twosome makes it happen, and they successfully complete the icebath/steamroom challenge! They reward themselves with time in a regular old hot tub, where things definitely get... heated, and not in the good way. Nick dives right in stating that Vanessa's family is "very traditional" and he's just not. It leads to a conversation about the importance of values and compromise in a relationship, yet the only thing they seem to agree upon is that neither of them wants to compromise! Eventually the conversation turns to living arrangements, which seems only fair for a couple from two different countries! Proud American Nick struggles to envision himself in Canada while Vanessa emphatically tells him she is not willing to give up Sunday family lunches. But of course, the date ends with Vanessa professing her love to Nick and the two retreat behind closed doors for more private moments.
And finally (well, regular episode finally -- we still have the women tell all (!!) portion of the episode) we are onto the most dramatic rose ceremony of the season! Of course, knowing what we know about Rachel (THANKS A LOT, ABC!) we can all kind of guess what is coming. And yes, Rachel does get eliminated, with tears shared by all as Nick tells her she's one of the most incredible women he's ever known and that selfishly he hopes they can be friends one day. Our little hearts can't take much more of this, so shall we move on to the drama and cat fights? Ok, we shall!
Welcome to the Women Tell All episode, otherwise known as Chris Harrison Finally Proves His Worth. Seriously – this is the most airtime he gets all season (voiceover work not included). Do you think he practices for this all year long? Make that money Chris!
This week’s Women Tell All was two.hours.long. And honestly, about three-quarters of it was based around Corinne. Can you blame them? So has most of this season's coverage. Come on – the gal is a producer’s dream! But before we get on to her, let’s make note of some non-Corinne moments.
Liz, you’ll remember, had relations with Nick before the show - didn’t contact him for a year, and then came on The Bachelor wanting to make it work. Nick was reasonably a little wary of the fact that she might just want to be on a national television show, and sent her home. We didn’t follow much of what happened to Liz on the interwebs afterwards, but we’re guessing – based on Women Tell All – we have a feeling she might have been slut-shamed. No matter what your actions on a show are – it is NOT cool to bully, shame or ridicule anyone. We’re not totally sure how the subject got off Nick and Liz’s past and on to feminism, strength and perseverance…but we LOVE IT. She got a little teary up there, especially when other contestants showed their love and support for her.
We’re not sure who this is, but she won the night with her line to Taylor: “It takes a good psychologist to know when someone has a low level of emotional intelligence, it takes a great one to help and support them through it instead of calling them out.”
Ok, now on to the other 90 minutes of the episode – pretty much all about Corinne. And you can’t start talking about Corinne without talking about…
By the end of the Taylor v. Corinne drama, we ended up being a little bit on Team Corinne. Which if you had told us at the beginning of the season – we would have laughed in your face! But by the end of their time together, she seemed extremely condescending and hard to like. But during WTA when she was in the hot seat and all the ladies seemed to gang up on her, I felt really bad for her. She said that her life and career has been significantly affected by her time on the show – and that’s messed up. This show, no matter how you act on it, should be a blip on then radar of your life! Not dictate it. Time heals all Taylor, just check out the past Bachelor ‘villains’ – no one even remembers them. Never fear, life will go back to normal.
As we mentioned before, we started out the seasons disliking Corinne (like pretty much everyone). Now, we love her. She is just so larger than life! As my colleague Gena said, she’s be the perfect girlfriend. Want to go out on a Wednesday night? Corinne is game! Want to grab a drink after work? Corinne is already three deep. Want a new $3,000 outfit? C’s gotcha. Case in point – while Taylor is in the hot seat Corrine walks offstage to get a glass of champagne, and then comes back. Girl has swag. Speaking of which? She brought everyone Raquel’s cheese pasta (yes, even Taylor).
Kristina was the only woman who got a standing ovation from the crowd for everything she’s gone through, and the person she is. She would have been an outstanding Bachelorette! When Nick comes out, she literally has him answer yes or no questions: “Were you attracted to me? Did we have chemistry? Did we have good conversation?” When he says yes to everything – she blatantly says “So what went wrong?” And he’s just left speechless.
Based on the three sentences she was able to choke out, Danielle is still very upset about Nick’s dismissal. Poor gal seems really torn up about it, and Nick has to remind her – in front of everyone, that he had more chemistry with other girls at that time.
The biggest contestant who got the most airtime, other than Corinne – was Naps. Corinne apparently took a bunch of naps during the show, and it riled a lot of girls up. So much so, that there was legitimate verbal sparring about whether she was taking a nap or not, what actually constitutes a nap, and more. Yes, they talked about it for a LONG TIME. As someone who loves naps for the right reasons, I was very put off by the negative connotations they were given. I hope, as time passes, they will regain the respect and adulation they deserve.